Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Abide

This has been the word for me from the Lord. I have had the hardest time understanding what has been going on with me and Him lately. My usual "read the Word and get some great revelation to journal" method was not working. I have been going to the Tuesday morning sets at RHOP (who is that worship leader! he is amazing!) but have not really been able to enter in. I felt that I have not been able to connect because of the agenda of those sets but I think it is more than that. I have been coming with an expectation to meet Him and experience the amazing relationship I have had in the past. I have come to realize that while having expectation to meet the Lord is good, having an agenda on how that should happen is not good. It has been my agenda that has gotten in the way of me connecting.

This past weekend at the women's retreat, I had some time to reflect and pray. The Lord met me and said I am in a new season in which my old methods will be rendered ineffective. He said he wanted me to just abide in Him. I have known that His presence always surrounds me. Now, he wants me to abide with Him eternally. I can go through a day and not acknowledge Him at all. Sad but true. He wants me to abide and acknowledge His presence continually.

Jill Prado, a pastor at The Rock and one of our retreat speakers, likened the stages of the Christian life to stages in an eagle's life. She really helped me to put words to some of the things I have been feeling. I have felt for some time now that I lack vision. I know I am called to raise my daughter and care for my household but on a deeper level, I lack vision. I have been struggling to see what God is doing and what I should be doing on a daily basis. This has caused me pain and discouragement. I feel disconnected from God and unsure of what He is calling me to do in this season. It has even caused me to feel discouraged about how to reach my daughter.

Jill said that one of the phases an eagle experiences is the molting phase. This is when the eagle starts loosing feathers and can not fly. He is drawn away to a high ledge to let nature take its course. He not only looses feathers but his eyesight fails and he gets depressed. He can no longer find much live prey so he has to rely on other eagles who see him to drop him food.

Once this phase is over, he will have new feathers and will be able to fly higher than ever before. But until then, he just looks pathetic. I can so relate to how this eagle feels. I feel like I have been in this phase for some time now. Having this picture now of the eagle is helping me to understand a few key points. One being that the eagle's molting state is not a result of sin but a natural occurrence that all eagles experience. It feels good to know that God is carrying me and is not saying that I am enduring a consequence of wrongdoing. Instead he is encouraging my heart with love and tenderness and I endure these "growing pains".

I also take comfort in the knowledge that at some point, I will fly again with more vigor than before. I am not going to die in the wilderness but once His process to groom me is complete, I will rise up. Psalm 103:5 says, "who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's".

4 comments:

Blooming Life said...

That was so encouraging to read and the Eagle illustration fits perfectly. I pray that you are continually encouraged and draw near to Him and not in some overly spiritual way is always necessary. I am reading THE SHACK and it is such a true and real picture of the relationship that I too believe God is desiring from us. Have you read it? I just see that instead of always thinking I HAVE to set aside specific time and this and that...an agenda like you said, if I just rely on God as my best friend, my closest companion, my father my husband my friend...then every moment of everyday we will be connecting in relationship in some connotation.
Releasing the stresses of life that "so easily entangle us" is one of the best things I can do throughout each day. He has provided all of our needs and beyond in all of these times and now that we are both jobless...we are having to rely on him more than ever. HE is so faithful and constantly showing himself so! Keep it up my friend!

Jill Prado said...

The funny thing is you may feel like you look pathetic but really in the spirit you look like a princess. Life is such an interesting journey...just know that heaven has a very different perspective on our lives. You are a lovely example to a generation of young women. People need to see your smile and heart-even in the process. - Jill

Michelle said...

Encouraging! Thanks for sharing.

Charlotte said...

I appreciated how you pointed out, too, that the molting period is not a result of wrongdoing, but just a natural phase. Good word, Alicia!