Monday, March 22, 2010

speaking of life

Photo by Matthew Wright

Matthew took me on a very enjoyable date Saturday afternoon.  We went on a 5 mile hike to Lake Clementine and back.  It was lovely out so we thoroughly enjoyed the scenery and Matthew took photos as we walked and talked.  I love my children and love having them along but this was nice... I held Matthew's hand as we walked and not Evelina's for fear that she would fall off the cliff.  We talked about everything from parenting to our spiritual lives.  It was peaceful and we were able to connect... enjoyable!

As we talked, I was sharing about how Evelina has some issues with jealousy with Luciana.  I recently discussed it with a few friends and one friend suggested that maybe when I was comparing them in the spirit of discussing parenting, Evelina was listening.  I think this true and maybe, I am unknowingly releasing the spirit of competition between them.  I compare them to discuss parenting with friends but I also discovered that I have been sharing the darker side of Evelina so that my friends will show me some empathy.  I am telling people how she disobeys and how she has such an attitude sometimes so that others will feel pity for me and give me attention of sorts.

How sad!!!  I am exposing my kid so that I can receive a pat on the back!  I am sharing her faults so that my friends and others can tell me how hard it must be or that I am doing well in disciplining her.  All the while she is listening.  She is always listening.  I can not believe I actually have stooped to this level of attention-getting behavior!  I can not imagine the hurt I must cause her every time I share about her weakness and the spirit of which I share them, comparing how Luciana is mostly happy and rarely has such an attitude.  After grieving over this for the past couple days, I must say I am so grateful that it has been revealed to me while she is just three and not thirteen. 

From this point forward, I will share about her many strengths, her beautiful heart, her creative spirit, and the fire that God has blessed her with.  If I sincerely need advice in handing a situation, I need to seek help from a trusted source in confidence.  If I say her name in conversation, let it serve as a reminder that I am to speak life, as her name means "giver of life" and "joy". 


Michelle said...

Thanks for the reminder! This is an area in which I am convicted as well.

Charlotte said...

I could almost cry! You are very transparent and vulnerable. But I want to affirm you, that I do not believe you are not always sharing her faults as a way of garnering sympathy, but as a cry for help - as all moms need so many times! I always appreciate your advice and suggestions! And remind me you hear me uncovering my kids, too!

sdownes said...

Amazing Alicia! Thanks for sharing! I have SO many challenging moments with my 4 yr old that test me to my limit and I know she picks up on every attitude and conversation I have as well. Just know you are never alone and I truly believe that the more challenging the child is, the greater leader they will be! God use our children's weaknesses for YOUR glory and help us Mommies to have patience and JOY in the hardest most challenging moments!